If I Wrote the Book of Mormon — Chapter 1

Ha ha, I make my titles way too ominous sometimes! Well, relax; this one isn't going to be a heavy thought.

I'm not about to write some treatise defending this book that I love so very much, nor am I going to criticize it. I just had an idea, and I thought I would share it today.

You see, I have asked some people ("some" people, he says) to try reading this book called the Book of Mormon. (Heh heh. "Some" people, he says. "A lot of" people, it should be. After all, what are our missionaries normally known for doing?) I've tried in the past, and try now, to get people to see why I love it: between the stories, the teachings, and the feeling of peace I always have when I consider the things that those writers said, it stands as one of my favourite books that I've read in my life.

But you know something? It is kind of hard to read sometimes.

One of the things that turns off a lot of people from reading things like the Bible, or the works of Shakespeare, is the old language. Elizabethan English (also known as "Early Modern English") doesn't always make the most sense to us. Sometimes it even says things that mean something drastically different, or even the complete opposite of what we would assume they mean.

And this Book of Mormon that I'm asking people to read, it holds that same problem for some people who read it. Not to mention that it wasn't originally written in English, and so some of the style and structure can be difficult to read through. (For instance, there's a sentence in there somewhere that contains the word "and" seven times in a row. That's not very good sentence structure in English, but apparently it's considered perfect grammar in Semitic languages.)

So, the thought that I had was, "What would it sound like if I were the one writing these stories?" I mean, some people tell me that they like reading what I write. Some people say that my writing voice is compelling. (Ha ha ha... I'm sure you so readily believe that. You'll have to trust me on this.)

With that in mind, I had an idea one day: if I were the one writing out the same ideas as the writers in the Book of Mormon... how would I put their words?

I'm going to try an experiment. I'm going to take the first chapter of the Book of Mormon and, changing the ideas as little as possible, show you how I would phrase those same ideas in my own writing voice. I hope that somehow or other, some good comes of this.

Not-So-Small Talk

There’s an unfortunate meme that I’ve seen become unfortunately popular as of late. It typically goes something like this:

Don't even get me started on the grammatical errors.
I see you don't know how to use an apostrophe, eh?

Oh, is that so? Well, there’s a very specific swear word I think most people would write here, if they were the ones saying what I’m about to say. I won’t use it. How about instead I go with...

Horsefeathers.

Or maybe a line from our good friend, William Shakespeare: “As you like this, give me the lie another time.” (I’m told that’s from The Tempest. Don’t worry; there’s not an exam on this. I just thought you might like to know, and I might like the reference so I can go read it someday.)

Or there’s one of my favourites, which I use with all due respect to President Dieter F. Uchtdorf:

If you'd like, you can see the full talk this comes from. Just click here.

Yes, I don’t think I can put it any better than that: Don’t lie. Stop it.

Prove Me Now Herewith

Do you really expect me to believe that meme? Am I honestly supposed to believe that the people who post and re-post it are primarily concerned with “atoms, death, aliens, sex, intellect, the meaning of life, faraway galaxies, music that makes you feel (sic) different, memories (sic) the lies you’ve told, your flaws, your favorite scents, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurities and fears?” Or that... well, one section at a time. I’ll be back to argue with the last couple sentences too. But all in due time.

The Book of Post Replacement: An Instruction Manual on Fixing Fences, or maybe it's A Story About NaNoWriMo Taking Precedence over This Blog For Now

Hola. ¿Cómo se van? And did you miss me?

Heh. Oh, I am funny at times. Heh heh heh heh heh.

Ahem.

Yes, I've been gone from the blog for a while. I don't think most of you noticed or cared. But in case anyone did want to know why I promised more posts on here, then didn't do anything... well, school does that to me sometimes. I have this tendency to overestimate how much time I'll have for writing in between assignments and studying, and the frustrating amount of time I have to spend on public transit every day.

(<It's not as fun, and doesn't have as catchy of a theme song as it does over here.)

Also, I continue to wonder whether daily/weekly/bi-weekly blogging is a dying art form. Or, rather, an art form that never really caught on in the first place. Only a very few blogs that I know of get a lot of consistent attention, and they have to compete with YouTube channels, Vine (well, not anymore), Facebook, and a heck of a lot of other things for the attention of Internet users.

It leaves me to question whether blogging on a regular basis is really worth it. Seriously speaking here, what percentage of people would you guess are unwilling to read a post as long as this one, because it's longer than one paragraph?

Life Sign. Hey. Hey, watch out. Hey, listen.

I've been thinking.

I mean, that kind of goes without saying, right? We all do that. Thinking, I mean; we all think, but some of us don't do any "saying."

...Which is probably why I'm talking to nobody, via the message conveyed through my fingers. Heh heh.

Anyways.

I just want to put out a life sign. (Not necessarily a lifeline... though, if you need one, by all means, grab it. Let this... blog post... be a... lifeline? Something like that, eh.)

For Glory

Ah. Here I am again.
...
Yeah, and that feels ok. I said in my last post that I wouldn't do another one of these until I started believing that my writing does any good. Well... it probably still doesn't. At least, for anyone besides me. Still, sometimes I need to get my thoughts out of my head, even if nobody reads them, and that's all the good they do. But that's something, at least.

So, yay. Here it is, my glorious return to blogging. Or something.

Oh, and speaking of things that are glorious...

Much funnier if you've played Fire Emblem: Awakening.

Yeah, "For Glory." I know the one.

*Sigh.*

To think... I used to love Super Smash Bros.