A Depressive Dig

Now, who could say what darkness lies within

The damnéd core of one lost human heart?

This soul in hellfire burns, but not for sin;

The mortal form has seized this fairer part.

The clods of lightless poison, dim-lit slime,

Surround the sight and choke the ears with hate

And force the mind forget the march of time

And surge with sting and ache that shan’t abate.

So shall this be, save I should harrow up

This misty mud that churns oblivion

And dig, and swim, sink through this bitter cup

To find what bedrock all this lies upon

I’ve peace, because beneath all this filth lies

Eternal, golden hope that never dies.

- TAB III. My poem, not yours. Grr.

P.S. As I will continue to say with any and all poems I may write on here, please do not steal this. If you like it and for some reason want to do something with it, please contact me and ask permission first.

And, if you want to know the events in my life that inspired me to write this poem in the first place...

If that is really what you want, I'm going to place a lot of faith in you, and let you read it by clicking here.

If you do click on that link, I would like to give you a few reminders:

• That document uses my real name. It's not the end of the world if people find out my real name; actually, the main reason I keep using that pen-name, "TAB III," is to keep people I know in real life from bugging me about giving out personal information to strangers on the Internet. (Yes, apparently they believe that telling people my name is giving out too much. Don't ask.)
  
  But the other reason I keep from using my real name is because I like not having people attach their usual prejudice of me when they're reading things I've written. It's kind of like an art teacher I once had in high school: she would consider some of my projects to be worthy of a grade of, say, 85%, until she found out that those artworks were mine. Then she [subconsciously?/maliciously?] would grade it at 70%, maybe 75% at highest.
  
  I feel like people do the same thing with my writings too.
  
  So, one more time: I don't mind terribly if you find out my real name, or even if you try Facebook stalking me. (Provided that I haven't deactivated my account again when you read this.) I would just appreciate it if you wouldn't go around making my real name common knowledge. Let me have this, eh?

• If you have questions about any part of what you read, and you'd like to ask me about it, then you can do one of two things:
  
  a) If it's something that you're not worried about saying in public, the comment section below this post would probably work best.
  
  b) Or, if it's something that you would prefer be kept private... I'm trying to figure out the best way to handle that kind of thing. I may not have a huge problem with people learning my real name, but I do have an issue with letting just anyone have my e-mail address. I might make an alternate e-mail account just for this blog... we'll see, though. It's not as though I expect anyone is actually going to have need of it or even want it. But if you do, please tell me so, in the comments or something.

• If by chance you have experienced severe depression, or any experiences like the ones I describe in that document, please remember that I'm not a medical professional. Just because I have suggestions about things that help me to cope with my condition, that doesn't mean that I am giving guaranteed ways on how you can overcome your own conditions and situations.
  
  If you haven't already, you may want to consider getting some professional help. I resisted doing that for a long time; it took me almost five years to go from recognizing I had a problem, to seeing a professional counsellor; and from there it took me another six years to agree to try taking medication. I probably shouldn't have waited that long. Sure, I was trying to prove that I could make good of my situation on my own power, but I should probably have realized a little sooner than 11 years of experience that I needed help. You might benefit from not making the same assumptions I did, and just going in to see a medical professional.
  
  So... again, that's only a suggestion, but one to consider.

Well, cool. That's all I have for today. And according to the stats that Google gives me... I'm just talking to myself right now. Beauty. This has been a good talk, self. We should do this again soon.

- TAB III