Facebook Note: All that I Am, I Owe to Potential

Published to Facebook on August 5th, 2008; written a few days prior

Author's Notes, June 4th, 2015: First, I would like to agree with my past self: this kid is such an egomaniac, it's not even funny. The difference is, back then I said that ironically - saying it to show that I believed the complete opposite - but today, almost seven years later, I mean it. Listening to my teenage self really annoys me. (I'm not still that conceited, am I?) I'm only leaving this post up because apparently this post was about three times as popular as most of my other old blog posts. Not that that's saying much.

I would also like to point out a few things about formatting. For one thing, I took it on myself to fix the spacing between paragraphs - which I didn't do on the original sheets of loose leaf paper - and I thought I should actually divide most of the paragraphs. It should be a little easier to read now.
As for the random numbers that you'll see throughout this, sorry about that. When I wrote this on Facebook, those numbers appeared in superscript, like this ². They were meant to point to footnotes, which are still at the bottom of the Note. I would fix the numbers, but as far as I know, the only way to make superscript numbers is by entering an Alt code, and I don't know the codes for numbers higher than three. So, you'll just have to bear with it until I think of a better solution.

And with that, I'll leave you to read.

*******

Holy cow, eh. This kid is such an ego-maniac, it's not even funny.

...Wait, actually, it is kind of funny! Ha ha ha ha ha! This idea just came to me as I was sitting in a very wonderful Chevrolet Venture [minivan]. See, here was me, writing inside of it. Hi, pueblo! Sorry; I'm still trying to work on my Spanish. But anyway, I also felt like working on my English, incidentally the name of a class I have come to dearly miss in the past 13 months. And... hang on...

I was just going to explain how this idea came to me, but all of a sudden the highway has got really bumpy; you have to love Alberta Infrastructure! Let's hope some of British Columbia is better. (Paying no attention to the fact that now I hear there's been a major rock slide, which has now completely blocked off the highway...) In the meantime, I'll pretend it's only turbulence. Now... where was I? I mean, besides bouncing along in a van determined to be in action for the rest of the said Saturday.

So, I believe my idea came because I was reading the August issue of the Ensign 1 - yes, in July. Talk about quick service. And it was the article about coping with the single life, something in which I believe I am the most experienced at... experiencing. (Ok, somebody shoot the guy who gives me cue cards!) You can see my note "Single!!!!!!!!" about that one. As I was saying, I was reading this article, and for some reason I felt some weird inspiration (is there any other kind?) that caused me to remember those awesome lists, "All I Need to Know in Life, I Learned from_______." The blank can be filled - adequately, I might add, by "Kindergarten," "My Dog," "Star Trek," "The Scriptures," "Poetry," and a lesser known one that may not actually exist yet, "A Square Section of Pavement." And then, somehow, by my lovingly logical thought process, I figured, "All that I am, I owe to what I'm becoming." Not entirely sure as to what direction I was taking with that, I went ahead and started writing. Did you know that my whole life works somewhat like that? And in both instances, I simply hope my good companion can inspire me in the moment of imminent need. Not Tasha; she's staying with some nearby members of Londonderry Ward, at the moment. Sorry, Tash! :(

I mean my other companion, the Holy Ghost.

So... all that we are, we owe to what we try to become. Now, how does that work? If I were in The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy, I would say either reverse engineering 2, or travelling by the sixth dimension. But alas, I can't get off of this planet any more easily than I can get off of this continent. So, my answer is more circumlocutory. 3 Hey, that phrase looks familiar... I've said that before! October 2006!

Ok, to begin with, how many of us know what we want to be when we grow up? (Sorry, totally off topic, but that cloud to my left, it looks like Great Britain.) Back in the beginning, that's a question which is so far away! (Hey, a cloud shaped like a stegosaurus! And one shaped like Greenland! 4) It seems as distant as the clouds which one of my voices simply won't stop talking about... though I must say, cumulonimbus against a background of cirrus is a simple, yet beautiful sight.

"As I was saying, [TAB III]..." Sorry, eh. Back in the beginning of our lives, there is no greater calling than playing, given occasional reprieve to sleeping, eating, or learning - in that order, more often than not. Yet we would take time to pretend, and unwittingly think about the future. Yep, me... heh heh. Most kids would say, in their first choice, "When I grow up, I want to be a fire fighter, or an astronaut!" or something to that effect. You know what my first choice was? "I want to be Sonic the Hedgehog!"

..."Ok, [TAB III], you do that." I soon came back to reality, and said, "I want to be a knight!"

...Wait, did I say I came back to reality? Somebody's a little bit reality challenged. Good times, eh? But those two thoughts, they are joined by a tendril that seems as fragile, yet is just as strong as spider silk. It was an unspoken and unacknowledged desire I had. I guess I just wanted to be a hero.

Back in the day, I really looked up to the heroic - be they faithful Ammonite boys, a blue spiky dude, or the brave souls standing between us and the gun-toting aggressors. I liked them. Well, that affinity stayed on with me, and endured the days of the "Nintendo generation's" uprising, weathered the last decade when the anti-hero became the new thing, and true heroes deemed passé. It continued through the days wherein I learned to love flying, came to be endeared to writing. You may have noticed, I have this flair for the epic. But you see, it's not just the courage I admire in those called heroes. No, there's something much deeper and infinitely more full of worth.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." 5 A hero, a true hero, is not decided by courage alone; he must needs have charity - which is probably why anti-heroes have gained such popularity; who the heck wants charity - the greatest of all, which endureth forever, shall never fail, and whoso is found possessed of it, it shall be well with him? But as that may be, I really identified with the true and charitable heroes, and that's why I have never renounced those old ways, nor my desire to do so well at whatever I do that I could be worthy of that title of hero.

That's probably one of the main reasons I wanted to go into the Royal Canadian Air Force and be a fighter pilot - infuse a love of the sky and the freedom of flight to that first desire, and that sounds like a perfect fit. But in recent years, I've thought some more about it: in my younger days (heh, that makes me sound old), I had a really throwaway attitude with my life; I rarely had many friends (if any), I figured there was no chance for me getting married, kind of thought this world would get along just fine with or without me, and I didn't see much good in continuing a life that was destined to be so... futile. So, why not risk it all for the chance to do some good? Now, however, I've learned to open up that heart-thingy of mine a little better, and can see there are better ways to show love for people than one simple, final sacrifice.

I didn't always want to be a writer. In fact, up to grade seven, I really didn't like writing. Reading, that was cool. But my fortes were more in math and science. I'd just let the English coast along. "Besides," I said to myself, "I won't be content unless I do something useful, and preferably great with my life and career." Since when could a writer account for that? I mean, what good does it do to enrich the souls of others, and hopefully encourage them on to just fight life a little longer - or a little more bravely, or a little bit more kindly? I dunno, eh.

But you see, we owe what we are to what we can be. Let me elaborate a little. I took five separate automotive courses in high school, and even started an apprenticeship for it. Well, guess what? Not only did I enjoy that significantly less than I hoped 6, but I wasn't particularly good at it. Ok, so I knew how virtually every part of the main systems worked, by the end. And yes, I had some level of ability in quite a few projects - I even did a complete engine overhaul successfully. Yes, I was getting confident with the tools of the trade, the jack of all trades. But guess what? In itself, that's not enough.

A good mechanic has a sort of "sense" about these machines, and thinks of it as almost a living thing - actually, there are a lot of similarities. I didn't have it, sorry. I'm not that great a mechanic. And, in all honesty, I didn't feel like taking the time to grow so much in experience. So, it's possible I could be a mechanic... and those skills have shaped me.

Just like with art class, where I learned to do well in it, especially with chalk pastel, and watercolour paint. But only very few of my projects were graded above the low 80% range, no matter how good it technically was. I believe my teacher always saw my work as just a little too abstract; more imagination and seeing with the heart than critically seeing with my eyes, and too rarely conformed to the goals we were supposed to be going for. Yet if I chose to conform, I could have become an artist - a representative from the Art Institute of Vancouver even told me so. And though I don't think I will do Fine Arts... those skills have shaped me, by what I could become.

See, you might have not noticed, but I pick things up in unconventional, unorthodox, unrequested, unrequired, unrelinquished, unforeseen, unrequited, unnecessary, unknown, undermining, unallegorical, unbelievable ways.

Do you know what has really aided me in giving my "free psychology help" to others? Mechanics class. I learned a logical problem solving process and an ability to see not only an affected system, but how a whole network might affect it. If you have bad fuel mileage, and your tailpipe spews occasional puffs of black smoke - first, that means that your air-fuel mixture is probably too rich. Did you know that the intake manifold or even the air filter could be the problematic culprit? It's just like people; sometimes, the root of the problem is entirely out of left field.

Now, guess why I'm so aware of the world around me, able to make snap judgement on how far distances are, and even photographically remember it, then extrapolate on the probabilities of where people or objects would move? Not so much because of math or physics - but art. I learned to think "through" objects. I learned to not trust what I thought I saw, but take the time to critically examine what I was really seeing - then do my best to duplicate it.

Yeah, with all of these mad skills 7, some people seem to think I'm a genius. But, as I told [friend named here], I don't think somebody counts as a true genius unless their mind doesn't drive them a wee bit insane. So, too late guys! I'm not a genius. And yet, because I had the potential to try... you get the pattern, right? I'll let it shape me. And when I get back to Edmonton, I think I’ll look into that science article about neuroplasticity. 8

Well, I could almost conclude right here. Yet just like that great green guy named Yoda, more to say, have I. Probably just a little more, but still. I find that when I receive these little inspirations, I'd best act on them! And without hesitation; sometimes a single moment makes all the difference.

Here I go, eh. I feel like I should somehow bring this a little closer to home for you guys. Even though only about 10 people will read any one of my Notes (Hey, why not use the Add Comment and pretend you're signing a guestbook?), it's somewhat tough to personalize this to potentially 100+ people. (And might I add, wow! Just over 100 good people, good enough to add me as a friend... thank you!)

But you know, as idiosyncratic 9 as I tend to be... I'm not all that different from you. If something cuts me, I bleed. If something hurts me more deeply than flesh, I cry - whether you see that or not. I have feelings. Hope and faith. Dreams... of many varieties. Everything, just like you do. So, understand, then, these things do apply to you. What you might have thought was a mistake, a failure, a waste of time... no! If you are now able to see that it was not good, then you have learned that much, and there is inevitably more to be learned from it. ...Yes, some of you in particular, who may now be curious, I was directing that at you. Don't get down on yourselves! You know I love ya, guys.

So, if that helps you out in the least bit, the smallest iota, I hope you believe that you can get up from reading this here - or just continue to stand or sit there; it doesn't matter - and do something good for the world, no matter your niche in life, no matter how few people appreciate what you do. There's not only one right answer as to what you can do to bring betterment to yourself and others. And another thing. As a Latter-day Saint, I believe, in the most literal way that your potential is limitless. Some people like to accuse that as blasphemy, to say people can become like God. Well, if He's helping you to progress now, why would he hinder you later on? But anyway, before I go deep into that, just have faith in yourself. It's never too late. Not until you give up.

There's a phrase that's been rattling around inside of my head for some time now, making itself apparent at some of the most inconvenient of times, sticking to the borders of my mind like residue which just won't come off without giving it time. Well, as a partial remedy, I think I'll expand on it, and let you hear this.

Battered, tempest-tossed, beaten... exhausted, this hero collapses to the ground. His strength is gone. His resolve is nearly dead. It hurts him too much. So discouraged... to what avail is it? Why try? Why rise once more, only to fall again? It is finished. There is no more chance.

And then, at this moment of great despair, a quiet voice fills his weary soul. The voice is gentle, yet emanates great power. It sounds like less of a command than an invitation...

"Get up, and fight."

That's what I'll do. And every time, I'll do it for you. And people like you. And those who may someday be so inspired by you that they say they want to be just like you. My captain, his trumpet will never call us to retreat. So, let's do this guys. "I'm rooting for ya. Keep your stick on the ice." 10

Doctrine and Covenants 4:6, 11

- TAB III

1 The Ensign is the official magazine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is published by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. If I could do that little (C) thingy for "copyright," I would.

2 The concept of reverse engineering, as it applies in The Hitchhiker's Guide series, is that if someone or something had the ability to travel backwards through time, they could see what they need in the present, then go into the past and alter events so that they will transpire in the most expedient way possible. Which is somewhat the same as travelling through the sixth dimension, except that you save yourself the trouble of travelling through time, and end up at the same ends directly. Beauty stuff, eh?

3 circumlocutory: adj. a roundabout way of speaking, such as, “The wife of your father's brother, circumlocutory for saying ‘your aunt.’" - Courtesy of Gage Canadian Dictionary

4 Actually, there is no footnote here. Gotcha!

5 John 15:13

6 That's code for "it absolutely HOSED!"

7 See Napoleon Dynamite. No guarantee that you'll like it, but "great skills" is one of the lines most remembered from the movie.

8 I don't know, but I'll see.

9 idiosyncratic: adj, adv having personal peculiarity of taste, behaviour, opinion, etc; being very individualistic - Courtesy of Gage Canadian Dictionary again

10 Red Green show, created by Rick Green

11 D+C 4:6 "Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence..."

(Wow. Footnotes. You know you're cool when... heh heh.)