Facebook Note: Thought Process

Written and published to Facebook on March 17th, 2008. It was my first time using Notes on Facebook. (It shows, doesn't it?) Good times.

Gosh, I had to go and work myself into a literary corner like that. Not that the title isn't open-ended or anything, but this happens to be a topic that I don't really excel at looking into.

You see, I just added this application, thinking that it would be a good outlet for all the stuff that I keep welling up inside of me, and I don't mean like your run of the mill well that Timmy keeps falling into, and Lassie ever faithfully keeps pulling him out of somehow or other. No, my "thought wells" are more like those chasms that were once created after people started to drill for oil; those empty chambers that descended deep into the earth's crust as well as millions of years, eras back through history of this earth.

I was going somewhere with this, right?

Well, once in a while, people seem to wonder what I'm thinking, and in fact, I've been asked that on more than one occasion. Right, I can answer that... People, what you are doing, in essence, is asking me to reveal the trade secrets of how I respond to you and how I choose to act! You're asking me to inspect the very fabric of my mind, distort it, probe it and then run diagnostic tests on it, then take samples and put the other pieces into a zoo or in a display gallery. Trust me, once you look at how something works, find out what makes it tick - literally, even - you can never look at it the same again. For example, I took five separate high school courses relating to automotives over the last three years. Now, I can't look at any machine powered by an internal combustion engine now, without wondering if it's working to its best potential, whether it uses mixed or straight gas, is it front or rear wheel drive, two or four stroke, picturing its insides quietly labouring away... Likewise, ever since I started looking into people, I haven't been able to stop looking too deeply. Are you all right? What is it that you desire most? What might you be hiding, how can I be of service, what motivates you, are you tired, does life get to be too much for you? Yes, and seeing all of this, it's a bit much for me to be comprehending so regularly. Hence why I try to avoid making eye contact so much; do you realize how much I see when I do that? Try looking directly at the sun sometime, and you'll understand what I'm getting at.

So, you see, to do the same thing to my thought process could be potentially suicidal. I might lose the ability to think rationally if I saw exactly how irrational my mind is. Not to say that I don't trust in my Creator, and that everything got put together in the right order, but... to be honest, it kind of scares me. And it's one of the only things that I honestly do fear. Funny, isn't it? A test I took once said that intrapersonality (the ability to look inside oneself to understand and better be able to use that knowledge to help others) was one of the better parts of my mind. Yet here I am, not wanting to investigate this...

Well, maybe if I will take the ultimate courage, grab that good old shield of faith, and find out what powers my mind, that could be a great day for all of us. For now, however, you'll have to be patient and say that it all comes at random. Not too bad in itself; I find that the random things in life are some of the most fun. Yes, indeed. And I hope that some of the randomnity (if that's even a real word) can help you out once in a while.

Dominus vobiscum, mon amicus.

That is, God be with you, my friend.